The Universe Sighed
Warning: The following is completely personal and extremely boring (possibly):
Today marks my tenth day wading in the murky and thus-far, for me, unexplored waters of unemployment. The last time I was unemployed this long, I was preparing to start my senior year at the University of Arizona. That summer, I had just turned 21 and moved back to Tucson after a "Year in Japan", study abroad program.
Back then, I sat at my computer, catching up on episodes of Smallville. Now, I watch Breaking Bad.
A feeling of languishing, reminiscent of that summer 10 years ago washes over me, whenever I review how many days have past without being gainfully employed. Despite my ultimate confidence that everything will work out, and my steadfast belief in the rewards of an easy-going attitude, I simultaneously despise the concept of "wasting my life". Having grown up poor, putting myself through college and already having paid off my student loans, any disruption to my flow of income causes a certain level of worry and discomfort.
Back in college, I returned to working at Papa John's, this time entering their manager's training, and after a month at work, I moved into a studio apartment, thus starting nine years of having my own place, which I definitely preferred. That streak remained unbroken until last year, when I finally succumbed to the financial stress of NYC, and returned to living with roommates. If I could have a redo on my time in this city however, I would have made that decision even sooner, started saving earlier, and avoiding a lot of expenses, such as furnishing my apartments. Insert comment on hindsight here.
At that time, I didn't work at Papa John's to start my long and rewarding career in the pizza industry. I did it for a steady paycheck and free food while focusing on studying and graduating on time. Similarly, my current situation demands I find a steady job while I continue to focus on writing, improv, and home brewing, free food still preferable.
While I battle feeling unproductive due to my employment status, in truth, I still do quite a lot! Although I'm already close to watching the fifth and final season of Walter White's misadventures with methamphetamines, I've accomplished many other things: I completed ten sessions of acupuncture, which has greatly reduced my neck and shoulder pain. After four years of coworkers' empty promises to invite me, I completed my first 18-hole round of golf. I've been playing softball in Central Park every Saturday with my university's NYC alumni group, and I jog at least once a week, so I'm getting plenty of exercise! I write everyday, which was one of my biggest goals in leaving my job. I've been cooking and eating at home much more, including brewing a five-gallon batch of strawberry-orange hefeweissen and two one-gallon batches of an experimental, hard (alcoholic), root beer!
So what am I tell you? Nothing. All of this exists simply to tell myself, "Relax". I don't need to leave the country or spend a lot of money to take a considerable amount of time off from work. I just need to maintain a schedule that is conscious of my goals, as well as a sense of gratitude for this respite for what it truly is: a relief.
Today marks my tenth day wading in the murky and thus-far, for me, unexplored waters of unemployment. The last time I was unemployed this long, I was preparing to start my senior year at the University of Arizona. That summer, I had just turned 21 and moved back to Tucson after a "Year in Japan", study abroad program.
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| Somebody Saaaave Me! |
Back then, I sat at my computer, catching up on episodes of Smallville. Now, I watch Breaking Bad.
A feeling of languishing, reminiscent of that summer 10 years ago washes over me, whenever I review how many days have past without being gainfully employed. Despite my ultimate confidence that everything will work out, and my steadfast belief in the rewards of an easy-going attitude, I simultaneously despise the concept of "wasting my life". Having grown up poor, putting myself through college and already having paid off my student loans, any disruption to my flow of income causes a certain level of worry and discomfort.
Back in college, I returned to working at Papa John's, this time entering their manager's training, and after a month at work, I moved into a studio apartment, thus starting nine years of having my own place, which I definitely preferred. That streak remained unbroken until last year, when I finally succumbed to the financial stress of NYC, and returned to living with roommates. If I could have a redo on my time in this city however, I would have made that decision even sooner, started saving earlier, and avoiding a lot of expenses, such as furnishing my apartments. Insert comment on hindsight here.
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| Think what you want about their pizza, it always tasted great when I made it, and I never got tired of eating it! |
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| Cannot wait to IMBIBE this! |
So what am I tell you? Nothing. All of this exists simply to tell myself, "Relax". I don't need to leave the country or spend a lot of money to take a considerable amount of time off from work. I just need to maintain a schedule that is conscious of my goals, as well as a sense of gratitude for this respite for what it truly is: a relief.
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